my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
