last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
