All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
