Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
