are you still at the devil's house?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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