I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
