I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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