I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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