is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
