it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
