I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
