Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
