I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
