he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
