So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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