I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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