drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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