she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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