Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
