Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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