What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
