Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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