yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
