I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
