My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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