I think my fart just growled at me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize