I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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