why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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