Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
