i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Two words: nipple clamps
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