fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
