you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
