we have officially lost it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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