Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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