I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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