Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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