Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize