It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i think my cat just said my name.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
