I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
