Kiss
Puke
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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