Small penises have feelings too.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
