True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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