News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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