My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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