Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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