cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
