you suck at this game today
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.