Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.