when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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