Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
