it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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