I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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