He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.