i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My Higher Power is John Stamos
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
