We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
