I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
