I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH