After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.