i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
