I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
