I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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