Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
