the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
