the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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