I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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