My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were trust falling into bushes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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