Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
