Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
