Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
