I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
