they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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