Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
