Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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