OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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