did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
