She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
