Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
