Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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