is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
