And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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