i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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