I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
