What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
