I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
