She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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