Having a random hookup so left but love u
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
