Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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